Why it’s okay to get help!

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Be strong, speak up and stop suffering in silence

When you come from a South Asian background, the way you see things and the way your family see things can be very different. The older generation have been brought up in a mentality in which asking for help means you are weak or it’s a waste of time or money. I’m trying to change people’s thinking and open up these minds because the world we live in now is different and if we had opened societies minds up a lot earlier then the statistics of young people who have commuted suicide, divorced and suffered in silence would be completely different.

Life can be difficult sometimes. Between friends, family, jobs, relationships and many other obligations you might have, it can be overwhelming. We often feel like we have to have it all together. All day. Everyday. All the time. That’s impossible, even for Superman.

When life gets hard, we are supposed to smile and pretend that we have it all under control. No matter how old you are, no matter what stage of life you are in, it’s completely normal to get over

Unfortunately, seeking help has become something to be embarrassed about. Especially in the Asian community. We are told we don’t need help and to get over it or just sort it out. The old fashioned mentality which doesn’t see the need for help, be it your own personal struggle, your job or relationships.

We view those who seek out help as “crazy,” but we have no place to do that. Who are we to say that asking for help, that reaching out, is the crazy thing to do? In fact, those who do reach out are the ones trying to prevent themselves from feeling crazy, aren’t they? Maybe instead of burying your heads in the sand and ignoring the problems, thinking they will magically go away isn’t the right answer because now you are left with a bigger problem which you could have resolved a long time ago. It just takes that one small step in admitting that it’s okay to get help!

We all think and want to believe that we are strong, that we can take care of ourselves and don’t need help from anyone. We look at others and see them as perfect, as having a successful life. We ask ourselves, If they can do it why can’t I? But who says they aren’t struggling? Who says they have it together? Who says they’re doing it

We are all unique, individual people with different needs, different strengths and weaknesses. Some people need more help than others and that’s OK. There is no shame in asking for help if it can benefit your well-being.

People often suffer in silence as they believe having to ask for help will injure their pride, but it doesn’t need to. Be proud of yourself for recognizing your struggles and working to get through them. Asking for help is taking care of yourself. Having the courage to ask for help is being mindful. You’re making a conscious decision to improve your physical, emotional and mental heal

The negative beliefs associated with seeking help are crippling to so many that they pass up the opportunity. Often times you’re not alone; there are others struggling with similar things. Reaching out for help, taking medication, going to counseling or not being able to handle life on your own are seen as weaknesses.

And unfortunately, the strong stigma that continues to surround mental illness turns out to actually be detrimental to mental health. Out of fear of judgment, individuals struggling do so in silence. Those suffering from a mental illness, whether it be something as common as depression, as serious as bipolar disorder, or as prevalent as anxiety disorder use medication to improve their state of mind. They are plagued everyday with battles that the rest of us are able to overcome more easily. They don’t choose to have these disorders. We don’t frown upon the boy wearing a cast for his broken leg, or the woman seeking medication for her diabetes. Mental illnesses are just as real and serious as physical one

Perhaps people would not be so scared to ask for help if they knew that it would be positively received. Life is hard; things happen, and you’re not expected to be Superman all the time. Sometimes we struggle for a little, and sometimes we face lifelong uphill battles. When we are in need of help and don’t ask for it, we are depriving those who would love to lend us a helping hand. Seeking treatment of any kind means that you are able to identify your problems, face your vulnerabilities and work through your insecurities.

Trying to handle everything on your own and avoiding asking for help is unhealthy. It does not matter if help means getting a tutor, seeing a therapist, visiting a psychiatrist or simply calling a friend or loved one. It’s nothing to be embarrassed about. Remember, asking for help is a sign of strength. And, usually, reaching out provides you with a feeling of empowerment – you’re taking control of your life!

Everyone falls down sometimes; the key is remembering to get back up.

Bottling up your problems, failing to acknowledge anxiety before a test, refusing to say “no” to someone when you’re already busy: these things don’t make you strong – they make you weak. It’s okay to feel stressed, angry and lonely; don’t be ashamed of your emotions. We have family for a reason. We have friendships for a reason. There are health care professionals for a reason. But nobody can help you unless they know you need it.

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You Are Enough!

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You are enough (and always have been)

The answer to long-lasting, soul-fulfilling contentment.

(Credits to Cynthia Marikinos)

How often do you feel there must be so many other, more qualified, more experienced, more talented people than you?

‘My main problem is over-saturation in the blogosphere. I read blog after blog with gorgeously designed websites and interesting, funny content then I can’t get my shit together to begin a blog post.’

Do you notice how easily we constantly compare ourselves to others, and how quickly we get addicted to telling ourselves we’re not talented enough?

Annoyingly, your inner screeching parrot never lets up and you keep wondering:

How do I stop comparing myself to all the beautiful blogs and just focus on mine?

How do I stop telling myself I’m not talented enough to write a blog? And why am I even writing this blog?

It’s a lonely, horribly depressing feeling. You can’t help believing your thoughts.

Even though you have a burning passion for helping people. Even though your friends, family, and colleagues keep spurring you on, telling you how much you’ve inspired them, and helped them.

You’ve had several readers share with you how spot on your post was. To them, it felt as if you were reading their minds. Friends and family want to know more about how your new product or service will help them or people they know.

You’ve inspired them to do more of what they really want. Given them a solution to a problem they can’t seem to find an answer to.

You’ve had wins. You love what you’re doing. You’re obviously talented.

How does it feel?

Now imagine your best mate has told you these negative thoughts. She’s feeling really down about herself. Dejected. Hopeless. Her self-esteem has taken a hit.

What would you say to her?

Perhaps you’d tell her everyone’s first drafts are shitty. And woohoo, you’ve actually written a first draft. Let’s grab a glass of wine to celebrate!

Perhaps you’d empathize about her writer’s block. Yeah, it really sucks, you’d say.

But you think of ways she can get past it:

Leave the writing when you’re stuck and take a break.

Get some air.

Call you for a chat.

Write about your writer’s block.

You rack your brain for as many solutions as you can to get her over this hurdle eating away at her.

Now think of yourself as that best mate.

Encourage her.

Support her.

Give her ideas.

Love her no matter what.

Isn’t that what you’d do?

You wouldn’t let her simmer in a pool of shitty thoughts about herself. You’d pull her out of it with a burst of positivity, no matter how cliched or over the top it sounds. She needs it right now. She’s worth it.

And so are you.

You are enough (and always have been)

In yoga, we use an ancient Sanskrit greeting that roughly translates to ‘I bow down to the divine in you’ or ‘The Spirit in me salutes the Spirit in you’

Namaste.

We bring our palms together close to our hearts and bow our heads.

This term resonates strongly with me as a meaningful way of acknowledging ourselves — and each other — in the most authentic, deepest way possible. An acknowledgment of souls, the essence of our beings.

Beyond the superficial.

Beyond your looks and your clothes.

Beyond your doubts, your ego, and your feelings.

You were born enough (and always have been).

You are precious.

You are a gift.

When we connect with the divine inside us, we realize we are enough. We always have been.

I bow to the divine in you. Bow to the divine in yourself.

You are enough. You always have been.

If you want to get anywhere in life, you can’t wait for other people to constantly feed you scraps of attention the way a seagull eyes off your leftover chips.

You can’t just put your feet up smugly and expect your self-worth to thrive.

Your self-worth needs to be fed with nourishing, energy-giving food. It needs you to stop peering anxiously at the clock. Obsessing about the person next to you. It needs gentle and kind words. Every day.

Your self-worth isn’t deceived when you get 10,000 blog followers, publish 10 books, or land that promotion. It’s about forging a bulletproof armor. Creating a mantra to stick by your bedside, on your computer, everywhere you look:

I am enough (and always have been)

It’s about fighting sword against sword with the negative thoughts that creep in stealthily, hoping to take you by surprise and cut you down while you’re writing your first draft. Starting your first business. Negotiating your salary.

That means writing an over-the-top love letter to yourself without any inhibition or silliness, not because you are egotistical, but because you know deep down inside you are a star, an incredible person, a divine being that was made to be loved. That you have always been enough.

Your self-worth is more than just buying yourself a new collection of shoes. Watches. Or clothes. It’s more than clinking champagne to celebrate your latest success.

Your self-worth is a seedling and you are the sunshine that makes it bloom.

So go on, shine!

What will you do today to show yourself some love? Leave a comment. You may inspire another reader to love themselves more.

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Divorce is not a Tragedy – From the view point of a British South Asian Man

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DIVORCE IS NOT A TRAGEDY!
divorce-is-not-such-a-tragedy.jpg

Divorce in most South Asian communities, even those in more
liberal countries, is still considered taboo. Many South Asians, like other traditional ethnic groups, stay in toxic marriages for the sake of finances, duty, children, fear or pride. Getting divorced seems impossible and often couples stay together to avoid the label of a failed marriage.

Still, a growing number of South Asian women and men are choosing to leave hopelessly unstable marriages dissolved by everything from incompatibility to domestic violence. From Hindu and Sikh Indians to Muslim Pakistanis, South Asians who have essentially been trapped by culture or family pressure are disrupting traditional roles of husbands and wives, and are choosing to take risks for the sake of their own happiness.

In our culture, I think we have been socialised to believe that we give up if we get divorced. That it’s our duty to stay in a relationship that is not good for us any longer. It’s about time we change this stigma!

Today I am collaborating with a fellow Asian divorcee but just one difference, my guest is a man. I wanted us to talk about the difference in how Asian men divorcees get treated in comparison to women. So we hope this gives you a different perspective of what divorcees like us face in the community. Hopefully this will change some minds and if you can relate then I want you to know, you are not alone.

Just to give you a background although my guest will remain anonymous, he is British Indian and someone who I have followed for a while now on social media and have found his experience intriguing and inspiring.

So here it is my Interview with Mr. British India, I have decided to leave his answers raw and unedited because when I read through it, I could feel what he wrote, I could relate and I am sure so many of you will.

When you made the decision to walk away from your relationship what were you most scared of?

My biggest fears were initially what would people say. My family’s very well known within our community and my thoughts were predominantly around what people would say about us and me. It’s definitely what held me back from walking away sooner than I actually did.

How long did it take you to make the decision?

The final decision that it was over was instantaneous. Our relationship was over long before we a7-tips-to-help-you-deal-with-a-divorce-or-breakup_01.jpgctually separated but for fear of family and community I worked and worked at trying to keep it together.  Over time I fell out of love with her. She didn’t trust me, didn’t like my friends, and we argued incessantly about the tiniest of things. The final straw for me was an incident that broke me, after what was a petty argument. In that one moment, that one action it was over for me. I couldn’t carry on.

How did your family feel?

My parents were naturally upset. I mean, hearing your 30+ yr old son break down in tears saying he can’t take it anymore can’t be easy. But they supported my decision. As did my dad’s family who I am very close to. Every single one of them said they stood by whatever call I made and that they would be there for me come what may.

Did you have a support system?

My biggest support system was my friends. My very best mate and his wife were there for both me and my parents. I’d hidden so much of what was going on from friends and family that it was quite a shock when I told them it was over. My two best mates reacted differently. One gave me an absolute mouthful first for not going to him sooner and then said he was there for me regardless. And the other was Mr. Practical – got his uni mate who’s a solicitor to call me for initial advice and then got his family’s solicitors in touch with me in order to instruct divorce proceedings and help through the whole process.

How did your extended family, friends and community feel?

My dad’s brothers were pretty much all supportive. One of them took the stance of I should be working at the relationship because how would we feel if the shoe was on the other foot with one of my cousin sisters. But all in all my family were behind me.

My closest friends rallied around me. They were just there for whatever I needed them for. As word spread amongst the wider group of friends I got messages of support and some things coming out of the woodwork about issues my ex had created with some of them that I knew nothing about.

Community wise – it was a surprise to everyone. People assumed we were happily married. People saw that we’d moved and bought our own place and thought everything was hunky dory.  Just after we separated there was a death in the family and as people came to pay their respects etc, the first question was always ‘where was my wife?’ I told my family not to hide it and just tell people that we’d separated. It was going to come out sooner or later so why not now? There was initially a sense of disbelief with most people.

Did you ever feel judged? Isolated? Or ever get treated differently because of your situation?79-of-marital-separations-end-in-divorce-821EA2NH-x-large.jpg

I absolutely felt and still do feel judged, more so the dating front than anything else. I knew dating would be hard after my divorce but never thought it would be as hard as I’ve found it. I’ve had women my age who have been in relationships , lived with guys etc tell me they couldn’t take me home to their parents because I’ve been divorced. I mean it could just be an excuse because they don’t fancy me but it was hard to take.  Isolated yes, because I don’t think I could and still don’t think I can talk to anyone that would understand where I’m coming from – hence the blog and anonymous twitter account.

How did it make you feel and what did you do to get through it?

From a dating perspective it was really hard to take, especially with one girl who I actually began to quite like after a couple of dates. I was angry, hurt and upset. I couldn’t really turn to anyone as there wasn’t anyone that had been in my position. I’ve cried into my pillow a few times not that anyone knows that.

When you are dating do you make it known straight away? How do they react?

When I was on dating sites and apps, I had it on there that I was divorced. It basically meant any woman I messaged that had never been married would never respond to any messages from me. To be fair the ones that had been divorced didn’t reply either so maybe it’s just me and nothing to do with my divorce!

When I’ve been to dating events (speed dating, date masi etc) I never say there and then that I’m divorced. But if it ever makes it to conversation after the event then yes it is something I prefer to tell the lady straight away. I think it’s only fair that they know especially as so many women see it as issue. Its part of my past, I can’t change it but it has changed me as a person. I’m not the guy I was when I got married. In the most part, the reaction has always been “I don’t think I can continue with this”. Only twice have I been on dates with someone after they knew I was divorced and they’d never been married before.

What advice would you give to guys or girls that can relate to your experience?

It’s not easy. I wouldn’t wish anyone to go through a divorce, especially an acrimonious one. As hard as it is, keep your head up and do what makes you happy. Learn from the experience. Learn about yourself. What do you want to be? What do you want to stand for? What makes you happy? Get to a point in your life where you’re happy and that your happiness isn’t dependent on another individual.  And when that individual comes along they’ll compliment your life NOT complete it. As for what other people say – it’s none of your business. Let them say it. Live your life because it’s yours and not theirs to live. You pay your bills and make you happy not them.

What would you want to say to all those people that judged you and made your experience that much more negative?

Not a lot to be honest but if anything it would be much of what I said above really. I got to the stage a few years ago where I don’t bother myself with other people’s opinions. They hurt once upon a time but I’ve moved on. It’s my life; my journey; my reality.  It’s been a journey to get to this point but it’s made me stronger. It’s made me realise what I do want in my life and what I don’t want in a partner. As for the girls that judged me, I guess it wasn’t meant to be and I hope they’re happy in whatever came next in their lives. 

So there you have it, So many south Asian men and women fear rejection from family, friends and community after divorce but just remember Divorce is not a tragedy, staying in an unhappy marriage is!

A huge thank you to my guest for opening up about what he went through and for letting me share it, I know that this will reach so many people who can relate. You truly are an inspiration to me and I am sure many others.

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Duke and Duchess of Cambridge & Prince Harry on Mental Health

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The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge and Prince Harry today released ten films as part of the Heads Together mental health campaign. The films feature people from all walks of life talking, often with the person that they first opened up to, about the life changing conversation that helped them cope with their mental health problems – from anxiety, alcoholism and depression through to loneliness, trauma and bereavement.
The first series for films, published today on the Heads Together YouTube page and website, includes: two mums of young children; musician Stephen Manderson (Professor Green) and Cricketer Freddie Flintoff; a journalist and her friend; comedian Ruby Wax and her husband Ed; two paramedics based in Blackpool; model Adwoa Aboah with her mum; a blogger and her mum; and writer Alastair Campbell talking with his partner, Fiona. The directors who have given their time to help create and support the films include Stephen Frears, Hugh O’Connor, John Madden, John Crowley, Paul Katis, and Sam Blair.
When you realise that mental health problems affect your friends, neighbours, children and spouses, the walls of judgement and prejudice around these issues begin to fall. And we all know that you cannot resolve a mental health issue by staying silent.
Facebook, Twitter and Google have ‘got their Heads Together’ to ensure that people within their online communities will see the films and be inspired to have a conversation about their own mental health.
Alongside the film series, Heads Together today published the most comprehensive survey of how people in Britain talk about their mental health carried out by YouGov. It shows that almost half of us (46%) have talked recently about mental health, with a quarter of us talking about our own mental health. Eight out of ten people who have talked about their own mental health found these conversations helpful. The findings show Britain is ‘opening up’ about its mental health but equally highlight some of the challenges that still remain. Men are less likely to talk than women and people aged 18-24 are almost twice as likely to discuss mental health than those over 65. Also, fewer than one in five people who have had a conversation have talked to their GP and fewer than one in ten spoke either to a supervisor at work or a counsellor.
The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge and Prince Harry said:
“Since we launched Heads Together last May, we have seen time and time again that shattering stigma on mental health starts with simple conversations. When you realise that mental health problems affect your friends, neighbours, children and spouses, the walls of judgement and prejudice around these issues begin to fall. And we all know that you cannot resolve a mental health issue by staying silent.
“Attitudes to mental health are at a tipping point. We hope these films show people how simple conversations can change the direction of an entire life. Please share them with your friends and families and join us in a national conversation on mental health in the weeks ahead.”
Paul Farmer, Chief Executive of Mind, which is one of the Heads Together Charity Partners, said:
“It is truly groundbreaking to see so many people, from all walks of life, sharing their mental health experiences on film in the hope of inspiring others to strike up their own conversation. These films have the power to spark life-changing and, in some cases, life-saving conversations. We hope that there will be a snowball effect with more and more people seeing the benefits of speaking out and supporting each other.”
Presenting the research at the preview CEO of YouGov, Stephan Shakespeare, said:
“The nation is at a tipping point in our willingness to talk openly about mental health, and it is young people who are taking the lead. Our research shows that while nearly half of the British public has had a conversation about mental health in the past three months, there is still a long way to go. This is especially true among groups who are less likely to speak out, such as older people and men. This study, one of the most comprehensive ever carried out on the topic, shows how important talking about mental health can be. For instance, of those that have had such conversations, more than eight in ten found it helpful. As our research – and the work of ‘Heads together’ – shows, we are at a moment of opportunity in opening up to this vital health issue.”

 

http://www.headstogether.org

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Depression is an Illness not a state of mind!

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When one of the funniest, most beloved, resourceful, and generous human beings on the planet, actor and comedian Robin Williams, commits suicide after a long battle with depression, you know there’s something wrong.

Yes, something’s wrong, not with the man, but with the rest of the planet.

Like millions of individuals, I was stunned by the news of Robin’s suicide at the still young, vital age of 63. How could a man who seemingly “had it all” have succumbed to such a drastic, hopeless, final decision? Did he not know how much his family and the world loved him? Just what was going on in his head?!

Stop it. Stop it right now.

It’s all about the brain, plain and simple — the most vital and delicate organ in our body. And too few individuals in the world fully comprehend that when our brain is broken, whether through internal or external forces, we are broken in some way. If we could only peer deep into the brain of someone living with depression and see what’s going on with all those cells, our world would be a much better, understanding, and compassionate place.

Sometimes I stand and look in the mirror and wish that I or someone else far wiser could do just that — while doing minimal damage to my highlights — and help me better understand why I’ve been battling depression for many years.

Why did some of my brain cells send harmful and inaccurate signals at dark, unexpected moments that the world might be better off without me? Why did some of my brain cells get together for an unannounced party and decide to tell me not to “bother” anyone when common sense tells me that hearing a friend’s voice always brightens my day? Why did my brain cells tell my hand not to pick up the phone and call?

It’s so freaking stupid and maddening! I know better than that but I could not see through the pain!

Even though I inaccurately at one time subscribed to the verbiage that it’s a battle of inner demons, I know now that it’s not. Depression is a disease, not a demon. It’s not some creepy critter punching holes in my brain cells and having the last laugh. It’s a serious medical condition.

It’s a disease, not a weakness. And until our society gets that crucial message, there’s still going to be a whole lot of hurting going on, even more than there is now. Robin Williams may have been a very public tragedy, but this disease devastates countless families, who often struggle privately and alone and with a sense of shame.

I didn’t comprehend for years that my private sadness and inner pain was depression. My doctor diagnosed me with depression and put me on medication. When I better understood what I was experiencing, he and I agreed that counseling therapy would also be a beneficial part of my overall treatment plan. So, I also started seeing a therapist, who determined I had depression, an anxiety disorder, and also suffered panic attacks. Oh man, I was a mess!

Remember the classic song, “I Can See Clearly Now”? That happened when medication and therapy started kicking in. I plowed through endless layers of stubborn cobwebs as I could finally see the world much more clearly and free myself of years of crippling emotional pain that I hadn’t been able to explain to anyone, hence, the fear I was crazy.

Yes, I had a disease. I wasn’t “crazy.” Depression is a disease, just like cancer, diabetes, heart disease, rheumatoid arthritis, and even alcoholism. Each needs a unique treatment and follow-up. When my brain cells started functioning the way they should, I could finally look around me and see the world in a whole new way.

I did not share my diagnosis of depression with too many folks beyond my immediate family and closest circle of friends, all of whom did notice a “new and improved” Meera, who had a much more consistently cheerful demeanor and outlook on life. However, I was fortunate that no one had ever hounded me, “Hey, cheer up!” I really had mastered the art of hiding it around others. I just crashed badly when alone.

It’s how my brain is wired. It is me, someone with whom it took me a long time to fall in love. It isn’t ego when I say I finally loved myself. It’s finally grasping one of the most essential loves to truly live life.

When I looked in the mirror in 2013, I realized that I needed to focus on the everyday and emotional challenges of brain-related injuries, illnesses, and diseases. Why? Because society as a whole equates virtually anything wrong with the brain as mental illness, crazy, wacko, psycho, other nasty terms… ugh.

I had learned that family and friends quickly gathered around a loved one who had cancer, a heart attack or similar medical crisis, needed emergency surgery, or was involved in an accident. Most people naturally have empathy when they see someone with a broken arm or leg or if they’re in a wheelchair.

But folks don’t understand or “get” a broken brain. If someone they love or know starts acting, walking, speaking or behaving odd for no visible reason, they’re afraid and start to scatter.

I’ve probably broken all the practical rules of dealing with my own depression by “hanging around” with folks going through similar or even worse. I’ve laughed and cried with so many individuals, hugged and been hugged a million times, held hands and rested my forehead against another person’s as our mutual tears fell. We just need to be heard and needed. That is an essential part of the healing journey and life.

With my families endless and loving support, I cope with my depression by helping others, by sharing my words, and our mission here on this earth: humans connecting with each other to share this journey. There is a reason why there are so many of us! Hello!!

It’s an essential part of the cure for me. It is the glimmer of hope and purpose that keeps me going even though each situation is different because we are unique human beings.

We must banish the stigma of depression and mental illnesses and injuries. We must focus on addressing and researching these devastating conditions. We have to do it now because it is already costing our society more human resources and money than we can begin to calculate. We can’t afford to lose one more precious life to depression. We even need to eliminate the term “mental illness.” It is illness, period.

We have to keep talking and listening. We must ask for help and offer help. We cannot be ashamed or afraid. We need to love each other and life in a whole new way…

…because it’s worth it.

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On Medication and Mental Health

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Let’s cut to the chase. I’m going to recklessly throw my personal out there because I vehemently believe in the deepest part of my heart that we don’t talk enough about any of this, because those of us caught in the struggle are clothed in a toxic cloak of shame.
And I’m sick of being shamed into silence. And I’m tired of staying quiet. And I’m done with feeling alienated.
People have zero problem believing you when you’re coughing, sick from a cold or sporting a cast from a broken arm. However, when it comes to how you feel inside, people are so quick to invalidate your pain.
I have always wished that there was some sort of outer damage, a big black bruise, that could reflect the inner damage I’ve felt. It’s like if people don’t see it, they don’t believe it.
But the struggle with emotional well-being is here, and it’s real, and it’s not going anywhere. So let’s talk about it.
Hi I’m Meera I’m 31 and i have depression, anxiety, panic attacks and and another fun little disorder known in the medical community as “obsessive compulsive disorder,” a harrowing issue that makes my eyes and brain obsessively fixate on disturbing images and ornate textures (don’t all line up to date me at once, people).
I’ve grappled with all three of these conditions for just shy of a decade, and I’ve tried many a method to naturally work through these pressing issues.
I go to therapy once a week. I’ve done cognitive behavior therapy (CBT). I exercised so much I lost half my body weight (bonus) , regularly.
I meditate and write it all out in leather bound journal and talk it all out and take heaps of vitamins and do my best to eat healthily and NOT drink my face off too often. It all helps.
Despite the nurturing lifestyle I’ve cultivated, however, I recently found myself once again needing a little medical help in order to be pulled out of this bout of black depression. So I take a small dose every evening.
It doesn’t numb me from the swell of emotions, but it stops the all-consuming bad feels from swallowing me whole. It helps me avoid staying shackled to my room with blinds drawn as I stew in an endless pit of sadness and suffocating anxiety. It keeps me functioning and moving forward into the life I deserve to live.
I take my medication seriously and am under the care of a wonderful, kind, caring psychiatrist with whom I check in on the reg. I’m a wildly responsible girl-creature, as we all should be when it comes to matters of mental and physical health.
I was off the meds for the past few years. I wanted to rip the Plaster away and see if I could navigate the tepid waters of life, naturally.
But, once again, I found the walls closing in around me. The pressing fear came back. It scared the sh*t out of me, and I knew I had to take action.
The debilitating depression, the clusters of panic attacks that make me terrified to leave the confines of my home, the dark images that play out on the surface of my brain and prevent me from being present, the cutting pain that pulls me out of living in the moment — the weight of it all came crashing down like a tidal wave taking out a small island (only I was the small island).
Maybe it never really left. I don’t know. But this time around, no amount of yoga, meditation or therapy seemed to quell the brutally bad feels from overtaking the entirety of my being.
And sometimes you just need to remember what it feels like to feel good again, to remember that it is possible to live outside of the limbless existence of depression. So, under the recommendation of trusted professionals, I went back on the meds.
Allow me to disclaim: I’m only speaking for myself. I’m not saying medication is right for anyone else, but it was the right choice (at this point in time) for me.
I own it. I used to hide it with a great ferocity, but f*ck it. This is me — take me or leave me, kittens.
And if you’re currently medicated and feeling ashamed, please don’t fret, we’re in this together, as a united force working to de-stigmatize mental health.
Credit to Zara Barrie x img_5427

On Being Damaged

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Broken. Shattered. Hopeless. Damaged

I’ve thought these thoughts and identified myself as these things once or twice over my lifetime. I thought that my situations would never get better, my heart would never be healed, and I would live a broken life. I believed the lie that my torn up heart would carry into future relationships or permanently break my current ones. I believed that no matter what the future held, I would be damaged; I believed that there was no possible way that I could ever find myself again.

Maybe you’ve felt this way. Or maybe you’re feeling this way right now.

Maybe there’s something in your life at this current moment that is tearing your heart apart. Maybe you lost a loved one, someone shattered your heart or crushed your dreams, or maybe life isn’t turning out the way you wished it would have. Maybe you’re believing the whispering lies in your head that you’re damaged goods. I don’t know what happened to you or why you feel this way, but I’m here to shine some light, encourage you to see the truth, and push you towards hope.

When I was going through an extremely difficult trial in life, and as I was on the floor crying for what might have been an hour, a dear friend told me that it was all going to be okay, but that I had to let myself hurt.

You have to let yourself feel the pain, love.
Embrace the situation and your inner brokenness, because there’s no good in ignoring them. Ignoring current situations is bound to hurt you down the road; many do this and result in deep counseling because certain psychological issues were never truly solved. Talk to whoever you need to, let your friends hold you while you cry, and call up your dad. Feel every emotion and every feeling.

But after you have done all of this, let it go.
You have a broken heart, sweet one, not a broken life. There is so much to live for, so much to dream about, and so much future to behold. There’s a man out there who will treat you the way you are to be treated, friends are not always backstabbers, and you will score the dream job you have always wanted. One setback does not equal defeat. One single setback means that God has something so much better planned out in His book.

There’s a future and there’s a hope. You will not continually live in pain; your heart will be mended, happiness will return, and your current situations will not last for eternity. The best thing you can do is to continually remind yourself this incredible truth.

Please give yourself time to embrace the pain, and after all of this, let yourself feel free. Go outside and take in the beauty that is all around. Embrace your beautiful personality, cute smile, silky hair, and strut your stuff, girl.

You’re worth more than you could ever imagine. And no matter what you’re going through, no matter the pain you are now enduring, I promise you’ll come out so much stronger on the other side. 💖

Credit to Grand Canyon University

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Loving A Girl With Anxiety

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Don’t baby her. Don’t look at her with a worrying gaze every time she reaches her hand out to you. She isn’t broken. She isn’t mental. She’s only human.
When she has a panic attack, don’t assume she’s faking it. Trust me, she isn’t. Hold her through her shaking, and tell her she is going to be OK. Tell her everything’s OK. Don’t think that she’s doing this for attention. She can’t help this. She can’t help what’s going through her mind. She’ll just need you to stay with her and talk to her through it. She needs you to tell her you’re there for her.
6fea1d13f8da35d86a806bef549f4fad.jpg
Do not pity her. Do not keep her inside to shield her from the world. Let her live. Let her breathe. Have her face her fears.

Take her on adventures. Watch her smile light up at the world around her. Know that sometimes, her world is more beautiful than yours. Know that her world is more beautiful because you are in it.

Don’t freak out when she has a bout of anxiety for no reason. Don’t get mad, and blame her anxiety on just a bad day. Validate her feelings. Validate how she is feeling.

And don’t make it a bigger deal than it already is.

Respect her. Do not push her to over do it. When you notice her hands start to tremble, ask what is wrong. Ask what you can do. Don’t let her go into overdrive. And stay calm, because although she may look good on the outside, her insides could be screaming.

Understand you will never understand how debilitating anxiety can be. Understand you will never truly feel what it’s like to have a panic attack, or to have your heart beat out of your chest, and to have your throat close up.

Just do your best to be there for her. Listen. Respond. Take care of her. Soothe her. Ease her worries when she lists every single thing that makes her afraid. Tell her you understand. Tell her she isn’t insane. And tell her you will be there by her side. No matter what.

Realise she wishes she wasn’t like this. She wishes she didn’t have these thoughts in her head. She gets scared sometimes, thinking that she’s too much for you. She gets worried you will one day leave her.

Show her that you won’t. Show her that you’re the type of guy to stay. The anxiety doesn’t matter. Show her that you love her too much to go. Show her you care too much to ever leave.

Credit to

Lauren Jarvis-Gibson I saw these words and i had to share because as a sufferer  myself i think the clear cut way this has been set out really gives a clear message to partners on how to deal with this.

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The Truth About Depression

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“Cheer up you have nothing to be depressed about, some people have It worse than you” A sentence I am used to hearing time and time again. People view depression like you are just really sad about something, so they automatically say things like “It will get better don’t worry” or “you’ll be fine”. Now I don’t blame these people for what they say as they have not been correctly educated to understand exactly what Depression is. However my frustration when I hear those words is something I cannot control and I want to scream at these people and tell them:

fullsizerender“Do you think I want to feel this way? Do you think I want to wake up and feel this empty? Do you think I do this for attention? When you are blessed with having everything you could ever want and still feeling like you want to lay in your bed and hide away from everything! Feeling such despair that all you do is cry because it just hurts so much and you don’t know why! Do you have any idea what its like to wake up and feel like its much to get out of bed and face people because of the anxiety inside you and you can’t do anything to fix it? Have you got a clue about pretending to be happy all the time around people and getting in to bed at night and feel the tears the next morning drenched on your pillow? When you can’t fix this you feel so broken and there is nothing you can do to make that awful sinking feeling go away?”

Obviously you can’t actually say this to people so you force a smile and walk away or politely try to change the subject. This week is Suicide Awareness Week so I though I would write about depression. It is a taboo subject especially for those in the Asian community. However I know many of us suffer in silence. Why? Because we are afraid. Afraid of what people will think, people who don’t even matter in our day-to-day lives but god forbid someone in the society finds out that we are less than perfect and we become the topic of gossip for the next month. We are so scared about looking weak that we hide the truth from our nearest and dearest. Worried that people will treat us differently or make us feel like an outsider but the reality of the situation is the more people we tell, the more people in return will tell us that they probably suffer from the same or know someone who does.

Living with depression and anxiety has not been easy, sometimes you could be on top of the world and it just hits you, to try to explain it to the people around you is difficult to but we have to start trying. It is the only way that people will start being more aware and actually understanding that this is not just a phase or attention seeking, this is a serious illness.

heather-depressedMental illness be it depression or Bi Polar or anything you may suffer from, it is important to educate those around you and not hide it, this is the only way that in our society it will become acceptable. As strange as that sounds right now, it is not acceptable, it means that you are not normal because people do not understand it and have not been educated and it is up to us to do that.

Depression is like constantly having your self-esteem knocked, when you think you are doing really well or feeling good about yourself, suddenly it can hit you like a ton of bricks, you feel worthless, like you don’t matter, like you are the reason that everything is going wrong. No matter how many loved ones and support you have around you nothing changed that pain inside.

Imagine you are sitting in a dark room with 10 different doors and each door has a different voice behind it, whispering good and bad things to you and you are trying to pick one door but you can’t because you are so confused, so you sit in the middle of all these voices trying to figure out what to do. That’s what it feels like, the bravest thing you can do is seek help, try counselling, therapy and please go to your GP because you cannot fight this illness alone, believe me i have tried. To all those people that think of you any differently or don’t think you are brave for getting the help that you need, well those are the people you do not need in your life trust me!

I have lived with depression for many years and right now everything has been under control and things have been good, but as my fellow sufferers know, it can hit at any moment so i do take precautions, i still go to therapy, i have a positivity journal and i read self-help books all the time, because i am not perfect nor do I want to be but if I can make this journey a bit easier one step at a time well I’m damn sure going to try.

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