There was a time in my life where yes i did weigh 21 Stone and no you did not misread that i was huge, to the extent that people in college used to call me Biggie and that was one the nice names. You know those people you see on tv that have trouble walking from one end of the room to the other? Well that was me and how did I get to that size? The usual answer, I was depressed so I comfort ate and then the eating would make me sad so I would eat even more and it was the cycle that I couldn’t break out of.
That was until I left home and moved to a different city and finally took control of what was in the kitchen and what I put in my mouth. I wont bore you with a diet plan or exercise regime because i totally understand that everybody is different. What worked for me might not work for you but it was more of a lifestyle change than diet. I don’t restrict what I can and can’t eat, I just limit it so i have one or two slices of pizza instead of well lets face it, an entire pizza!
So after a year and a half of some serious hard work, months of tantrums and being a moody cow about the fact that I couldn’t eat that entire chocolate brownie. I lost 10 stones and reached my target. I mean I know I have a way to go to get the right shape and tone up my body but I know if I can shed that much fat I can do this.
Although my point of the post was to talk to you all about how I felt when i was fat, and how when i look in the mirror i still feel like that fat girl sometimes. Being fat feels like you are trapped sometimes in this shell and no matter what you do, nobody will ever see past it. All they see is a lazy eating machine that sits around and is utterly gross. You can hear the whispers in the streets or some people will outright just call you fat and ugly and laugh in your face.
The innocent children will point and giggle and say that you resemble a whale. The sales woman in the high street shops will look at you and ask if you need any assistance but give you that look that says you know we don’t have your size. So you end up ordering clothes online and get frustrated when you have to send things back 20 times because nothing fits properly. The tantrums you have because you have about 4 items that actually fit you in the closet and you have already worn them 3000 times.
Sometimes catching yourself in the mirror and feeling so hideous that you physically make yourself vomit. That my friends is the real reality of being fat and not loving yourself. Now I’m not saying everyone who has a bit extra on them feels like that, this is simply how I felt.
It was at that point after my divorce and other problems in my life resolved that I finally had time to focus on myself, to learn to love myself again and that was even before I lost the weight. I had to see myself through the eyes of people that love me, that saw the Meera that was funny, spontaneous, slightly mad, kind, generous and well Mostly Meera.
After i realised i am worth more than I ever thought, I lost the weight and became independent away from all the negativity and it was then that everything fell in to place. Now don’t get me wrong my life is far from perfect but thats exactly what I love about it. However I am so much more positive now and I love myself and my life. I feel blessed and grateful but to all those millions of people who have been through the same thing or are going through it, just remember you are not alone and it does get better I promise.
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Mostly Meera x